btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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