my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize