my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize