If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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