my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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