I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
