worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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