I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
