mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
