It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
