I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
