you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
