Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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