fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
