Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize