Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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