I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
