I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
