goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
