I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
