i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
