I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
