My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
