He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
