he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
