i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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