After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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