I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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