oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize