Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
