took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
