There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
