it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
