i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
