Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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