Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What did we do last night that was yellow?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
