I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
