I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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