ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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