i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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