5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
