Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize