Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
