kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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