so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize