I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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