1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
