the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
