Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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