just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
a search helicopter?!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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