I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
