Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
