I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
