So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
