my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
