Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
