yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
