Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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