Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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