What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The adults are the big ones right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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