I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
