the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
