I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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