dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize