Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
