I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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