By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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