That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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